Why is My Child's Anxiety Worse at Night?

How do I know if my child has anxiety at night?

In the world we live in today, "anxiety" has become a popularized term among children and teens and is used in such a way that gets associated with one being in danger of some sort. When a teenagers exhibits nervous feelings about a new experience—a new school or job interview, for example—they often get tagged with having "anxiety," being something to steer clear or worry about. Anxiety has become a term that many see as abnormal, and parents are seeing it has a situation that warrants medication or a circumstance to withdraw from.

This mindset is worriesome as anxiety isn't an abnormal state. In fact, it is part of everyday life and understanding how to effectively work through it is a fundamental life skill. Instead of seeing anxiety as something terrible, we need to teach our children to manage the feeling so they can overcome challenges, foster perseverance and become more competant.

How to stop anxiety before bed?

It may be tempting to stop anxiety from exhibiting itself, but here's the thing, your job as a parent isn't to eradicate all anxiety. But your job is to help your child first understand why they are feeling anxious and help them discover tools to cope with it and still sleep well.

A parent's job isn't to avoid all obstacles in your child's life. Take your child through a series of small, but intentional steps at bedtime and it will make a huge difference in your child's anxiety.

What does anxiety look like in children?

Childhood anxiety is an intricate journey that may be expressed in unique ways at specific ages. Early onset of anxiety often revovles around being afraid of the dark, worrying about being away from parents or being alone at night. Elementary aged children, may feel overwhelm revolving around social interactions, academic achievement or just from growing up in a world with too much over everything. There is an abyss of readily accessible information, unending flood of comparisons on social media and just a whole lot of volcanic emotions. And the first casualty, unfortunately is sleep.

Signs Your 4-12 year Old is Experiencing Anxiety

• Bedtime questions starting with “What if…” (eg. What if someone breaks? What if no one wants to play with me at recess?)

• Sudden report of feeling ill right before school or bedtime (eg. "My stomach doesn't feel well.")

• Insisting a parent stays in the room at bedtime or needing a parent to lie in bed with them

• Mood shifts at bedtime involving tears, anger or resentment about going to sleep d

• Extra requests after lights-out (eg. Stalling tactics like, "I have one more question," "I need one more hug," or "I'm thirsty.")

Why bedtime is so hard

It may easily become the most frustrating part of your day, but anxiety usually peaks at bedtime, just as you are about to take a breath after a very long day. And why is that?

• Your child's imagination goes wild at night (monster shadows, strange noises, etc.).

• The mind has finally slowed its gears and begins to replay the day.

• There is a physical separation from parents who sleep in a separate room and the distance feels more daunting when there's no other distractions

Example: What bedtime anxiety can look like for a 9 year old

Joseph, 9 years old, appears to be fine after coming home from school. But the moment you call for lights-out at bedtime, he spontaneously recalls his struggles with the spelling test, the disagreement on the playground with his buddies, he's thirsty and pleads for water, before finally refusing to sleep unless a parent lies with him till he's fallen asleep.

This is typical childhood anxiety + boundary pushing. This is your child's brain trying to make itself feel safe at night.

A child who is anxious at bedtime and has trouble falling asleep at night leads to poor sleep quality. When a child doesn't sleep enough, it makes it harder to calmly face even the small worries. Lack of sleep augments small issues, leading to overwhelm and loss of emotional control. It is vital to break this cycle of anxiety-poor sleep, otherwise it begins to look a lot like this:

Child feels anxious → body gears up → difficulty falling asleep → bedtime stress → poor quality sleep with lots of wakings → exhausted and emotional the next day → tired brain feels more anxious → bedtime becomes increasingly challengin

Now that you know why your child might be giving pushback at bedtime, it's time to make a game plan to break that cycle. If you would like 1-1 help for cultivating a positive bedtime with your child, contact me here. I've helped families worldwide create sustainable sleep solutions and can do the same for you.