How to Help a Child with Anxiety at Bedtime

If reaching your child's bedtime is a race in itself, the hurdle created by a child expressing fear around sleep will completely derail you. Bedtime anxiety makes for a a challenging bedtime as your child is usually tired and their emotional regulation has been all used up in the day. And when it's a struggle to fall asleep, it affects your child's mood, growth, learning and behaviour.

This guide will help you assist your child in reducing their stress load, give them tools to manage feelings of anxiety and establish independent sleep skills to fall asleep and get back to sleep without your help at night. When you work on your child's sleep and address their bedtime anxiety at the same time, you will navigate this phase with greater ease.

Step 1: Establish a Bedtime Routine

Getting the basic groundwork levelled off will help you tackle big feelings more effectively. A consistent bedtime routine is one of the best ways to reduce stress and stimulation at the end of your child's day. Have a consistent bedtime that allows for your child to sleep 10-11 hours overnight if your child is ages 4-12. Simply work backwards from your child's morning time. If your child needs to be up at 7:00 a.m., aim for around 8:00 p.m. bedtime.

Here's an example of a effortless, calming, bedtime sequence that lasts 20-30 minutes:

• Bath or shower

• Pajamas, brush teeth

• 10–15 minutes of reading, stretching or meditation

• Dim the lights, short daily check-in chat

• Lights out and good night

A few "goodnight phrases" before leaving your child's room can be:

• “See you in the morning, sleep well.”

• "You had a long day, rest up."

• "I'll come wake you in the morning, snuggle in."

• “Your job is to rest; my job is to keep you safe.”

Step 2: Create a sleep-friendly bedroom

• Darken the room with blackout blinds or curtains (especially during the spring/summer months)

• Cool room temperature

• Quiet room or have a steady sound of something like a fan or air purifier

• Bed dedicated to sleeping only (no homework, eating, or gaming in bed)

• Screens off before bedtime at least 1 hour prior to sleep

Devices emit blue light and it stimulate the brain to stay awake. By doing so, it inhibits the release of melatonin, our natural hormone that helps us feel sleepy at the right time of the night, which means it will be harder to fall asleep. If your child needs some help with this, a friendly way to do so is by saying, “Screens plays tricks your brain telling it's still daytime. We need to put it away so we can let your brain make some sleepy chemicals that help you fall asleep faster and feel lots of energy tomorrow.”

Step 3: Talk to Your Child About Anxiety and What Those Feelings Are

Adults and kids both cope better when they can understand what emotions they're feeling inside and labelling it. Anxiety isn't problematic by nature or a condition that needs to be irradiated. It's actually a survival mechanism, embedded in us to alert us about potential dangers so we can take action.

Keep it simple by saying, “Anxiety is like an alarm system for your brain. It tells you to pay attention because something important is happening. Anxiety is not a bad thing and it won't harm you either. But sometimes, your brain's alarm just needs some help shutting off at night."

Step 4: Teach Your Child How to Manage their Anxiety at Bedtime

Calm the body

Relax the body using various techniques that appeal to your child to prepare their body for sleep.

• Choose a texture that is soothing and can be touched: rubbing a smooth rock, tracing hands with a feather, a cloth, etc.

• Breathing exercises: blow imaginary candles out, belly breathing by inhaling and exhaling for 3 seconds at a time and repeat 5-10 times, put your child's favorite stuffed animal on their belly and watch the stuffy as it rises and falls with each big breath.

• Body squeezes: firmly squeeze each limb for 5 seconds each before relaxing and moving down the limbs.

• Muscle relaxation technique: focus on contracting/tightening muscle groups for 5 seconds at at time before relaxing them and repeat for each muscle group (example: tighten hands into a fist for 5 seconds, then relax. Then try tensing your shoulders for 5 seconds and relaxing them, etc).

  
  

Name the feeling

Identifying the feeling of anxiety can help children cope with the feeling itself

"I feel like my tummy has butterflies right now."

“Right now I’m feeling anxious.”

"My heart is pounding and has trouble slow down."

“Right now my worry voice is loud.”

Scheduled worry time

In the evening before or during your child's wind down, encourage spending 10 to 15 minutes talking or writing about their worries:

• Ask: “What is your worry voice saying today?”

• Have your child write a quick worry note on small sheets of paper and slip it into a "worry box" that has a lid on it.

• Wrap up: “It's great we let your worries out today. Now we rest our brain so it can be strong and handle those worries tomorrow.”

• Acknowledge your child's anxiety during your goodnight phrase: “I know your worry voice can be loud. That’s okay. You might not like the feeling, but you can handle it. Your job is to rest. My job is to keep you safe.”

When you teach your child how to sleep well, it isn't focusing on just getting your child down for the night. It's giving your child the lifelong skill to let the mind and body rest so they can better tackle hurdles the next day. Good quality sleep facilities good attention span, growth, immune system, mood and emotional endurance. Seeing your child be a confident sleeper helps them view sleep as a task they can achieve, no matter if they are 5 years of age or going on 12.

If you would like 1-1 help for cultivating healthy sleeping habits in your toddler, contact me here. I've helped families worldwide sleep soundly, no matter the age of their child, and can do the same for you.